The Face of Rejection
I can't say I've met anyone who likes rejection. I mean, who likes to hear you didn't get the part, or you're not good enough, or not cute enough, or not righteous enough, or __________. No one.
In fact, rejection is something I tend to protect myself from. Rejection to me sounds a lot like the word "failure". Another word I dislike..... a lot. Me and failure have this thing. I avoid it - I'm scared of it, and if I sit quietly long enough I think it forgets about me. So I just sit quiet, not doing anything too crazy, or anything that stretches me too much because heaven forbid Failure found me again. Sure, we all "fail" daily, right, but I'm talking the big failure kind. The kind where you stick your neck out, you let yourself and ideas and talents hang in the wind blowing around so vulnerable. You put your heart on the line, put all your effort and yet - you've FAILED.
Are they similar - failure and rejection? Definition of Rejection: The dismissing or refusing of a proposal, or idea, etc. Definition of Failure: Lack of Sucess. I think I like the word Rejection better - sounds more optimistc doesn't it? I suppose failure could also be helpful - I just don't like it. And yes, I know Edison tried over 1,000 times to create the light bulb before he finally got it. And yes, I know when you "fail" you also learn. I know all those things. It logically makes sense but I don't feel it.
I read a book about having a positive attitue (because surprise surprise I don't sometimes). The author compared having a mental block to a physical disability. When someone needs to use a cane, for example, to walk, they are physically inhibited, they have a limp and need assistance to walk. This also happens when we have a "losers mind set". She called it a LOSERS LIMP. I loved the visual. Having this mindset does inhibit me from doing things. I actually had a bracelet made up that says LOSERS LIMP on it to remind me not to have that mindset - so see....I'm trying!
Now that you know how I handle rejection and failing I wanted to share something with you that was really quite inspiring and has made me think about how I handle these set backs.
My middle child acts and models. He loves it. He is social and handsome and knows how to work a crowd (most times). Harris has been working with an amazing acting coach for almost three years now. She believes in Harris and tells me he is one of her top kid students - which is saying a lot since she lives in LA and travels the country teaching and seeing a lot of kids. He works so hard for her. She is also an agent and has been a casting director so if anyone would know talent it would be her and I trust her opinions. She says hes really good - so we go with that.
He has landed some really fun jobs but mostly he just goes on a lot of auditions. Its difficult to weigh his teachers feedback with the lack of jobs. I understand sports, not the entertainment industry. The few times I've asked for feedback when he hasn't gotten a job the answer is "he did really well just not we are looking for". Um....what in the world does that mean? If it was basketball and you didn't make the team, most likely the coach would say what you needed to work on. Dribbling isn't good, doesn't understand defense, isn't aggresive, etc. Those are tangible ideas and feedback I can work with right? I can work on dribbling and defense and being aggressive. I can't work on something I don't know or understand. So thats a little frustrating for me.
Quick Break - down so you can follow the story:
Harris works with a Talent Agency
When a business or group, etc need to make a commercial, print work, voice over, they contact the Agency for talents
A lot of time the business have hired a director or producer to do the work and they will handle the auditions and pick the talent for the job
Sometimes, these businesses or directors hire a casting agency to do the auditions and pick the talent(s). The casting agency only job is to call the Talent agencys and bring in people to audition and then pick the "winner".
There is one particular casting agency in town that is really frustrating me lately. Harris has been doing auditions at this agency for 3 years now. 3 years! He hasn't gotten a single job from this casting agency. Not 1. For three years I've been driving 35 minutes one way for him to go in and audition for a total of 5 minutes and then turn around and drive back home. The last time he auditioned (last week) he came out and was so pumped. He felt he got the job and that he nailed the audition. I had no doubt he did his very best, especially because he faced time his coach from LA the night before so I know he got good feedback. Two days later we got an emailing saying the position had been filled and thanks for auditioning (which is a way of saying you didn't get the job). Same day, we get another request for him to audition in 2 days at the same place. K, by this time last week I was DONE. D.O.N.E. I hated the rejections. Especially with no reason why he was rejected and that he keeps being rejected. I was going to respond back to our talent agency that harris was no longer interested in doing auditions fort his particular casting agency.
When Harris got home from school I told him that he didn't get the job. He has heard this from me I don't know how many times. He looked at me and said "thats ok". But he didn't seem sad or frustrated. I also said they want him to go back in for an audition on Tuesday and asked what he thought. Without pausing he said Yes! I asked him why he would want to keep going back when he hasn't gotten one job yet. "Because maybe this is the time I will get it", he said.
I'm not sure whos kid he is, but it doesn't sound like I child I would have created. If it were me in his shoes, I would have stopped 2.5 years ago. I would cry at rejection and not try again. But not him. Do you know what rejection looks like? It looks like this.
This is the face of rejection. Driving to another audition yesterday, just days after being passed up again for the upteenth time, studying his script one last time to make sure he was ready.
Do you know what my picture of rejection looks like?
Here is what I've learned. Rejection isn't failure at all. Rejection is something you choose to learn from or not. "A Rejection is nothing more then a necessary step in the persuit of happiness" - Bo Bennett. And as a side note I realize the word failure isn't terrible either - I just still don't like it.
Harris seems to understand this lesson and has gotten it way before I have. I asked him why he doesn't get upset and why he continues to go to the auditions. He told me because he believes he is good and one of these days there will be the right part for him and he will be ready. Why does he believe that he is good? He said because Ms. Nickells (his coach) and we tell him he is. And here is the key - HE BELIEVES US!! Our voices are louder then the rejection voice.
Here is my lesson: What voices am I listening to? That when rejection comes I'm the second picture here and not the first? I am listening to the wrong voices. It hadn't really realized this until yesterday as I was sitting and contemplating some things that are going on in my life and this idea of being rejected hit me. I went into fetal mode. Then two hours later I picked up Harris and he showed me what rejection should really look like. I need to search out the good voices and figure out how to get rid of the bad ones.
Isn't it beautiful when your children teach you? Maybe you learned something from Harris too. No more Loser's Limp and no more bad voices.
In fact, rejection is something I tend to protect myself from. Rejection to me sounds a lot like the word "failure". Another word I dislike..... a lot. Me and failure have this thing. I avoid it - I'm scared of it, and if I sit quietly long enough I think it forgets about me. So I just sit quiet, not doing anything too crazy, or anything that stretches me too much because heaven forbid Failure found me again. Sure, we all "fail" daily, right, but I'm talking the big failure kind. The kind where you stick your neck out, you let yourself and ideas and talents hang in the wind blowing around so vulnerable. You put your heart on the line, put all your effort and yet - you've FAILED.
Are they similar - failure and rejection? Definition of Rejection: The dismissing or refusing of a proposal, or idea, etc. Definition of Failure: Lack of Sucess. I think I like the word Rejection better - sounds more optimistc doesn't it? I suppose failure could also be helpful - I just don't like it. And yes, I know Edison tried over 1,000 times to create the light bulb before he finally got it. And yes, I know when you "fail" you also learn. I know all those things. It logically makes sense but I don't feel it.
I read a book about having a positive attitue (because surprise surprise I don't sometimes). The author compared having a mental block to a physical disability. When someone needs to use a cane, for example, to walk, they are physically inhibited, they have a limp and need assistance to walk. This also happens when we have a "losers mind set". She called it a LOSERS LIMP. I loved the visual. Having this mindset does inhibit me from doing things. I actually had a bracelet made up that says LOSERS LIMP on it to remind me not to have that mindset - so see....I'm trying!
Now that you know how I handle rejection and failing I wanted to share something with you that was really quite inspiring and has made me think about how I handle these set backs.
My middle child acts and models. He loves it. He is social and handsome and knows how to work a crowd (most times). Harris has been working with an amazing acting coach for almost three years now. She believes in Harris and tells me he is one of her top kid students - which is saying a lot since she lives in LA and travels the country teaching and seeing a lot of kids. He works so hard for her. She is also an agent and has been a casting director so if anyone would know talent it would be her and I trust her opinions. She says hes really good - so we go with that.
He has landed some really fun jobs but mostly he just goes on a lot of auditions. Its difficult to weigh his teachers feedback with the lack of jobs. I understand sports, not the entertainment industry. The few times I've asked for feedback when he hasn't gotten a job the answer is "he did really well just not we are looking for". Um....what in the world does that mean? If it was basketball and you didn't make the team, most likely the coach would say what you needed to work on. Dribbling isn't good, doesn't understand defense, isn't aggresive, etc. Those are tangible ideas and feedback I can work with right? I can work on dribbling and defense and being aggressive. I can't work on something I don't know or understand. So thats a little frustrating for me.
Quick Break - down so you can follow the story:
Harris works with a Talent Agency
When a business or group, etc need to make a commercial, print work, voice over, they contact the Agency for talents
A lot of time the business have hired a director or producer to do the work and they will handle the auditions and pick the talent for the job
Sometimes, these businesses or directors hire a casting agency to do the auditions and pick the talent(s). The casting agency only job is to call the Talent agencys and bring in people to audition and then pick the "winner".
There is one particular casting agency in town that is really frustrating me lately. Harris has been doing auditions at this agency for 3 years now. 3 years! He hasn't gotten a single job from this casting agency. Not 1. For three years I've been driving 35 minutes one way for him to go in and audition for a total of 5 minutes and then turn around and drive back home. The last time he auditioned (last week) he came out and was so pumped. He felt he got the job and that he nailed the audition. I had no doubt he did his very best, especially because he faced time his coach from LA the night before so I know he got good feedback. Two days later we got an emailing saying the position had been filled and thanks for auditioning (which is a way of saying you didn't get the job). Same day, we get another request for him to audition in 2 days at the same place. K, by this time last week I was DONE. D.O.N.E. I hated the rejections. Especially with no reason why he was rejected and that he keeps being rejected. I was going to respond back to our talent agency that harris was no longer interested in doing auditions fort his particular casting agency.
When Harris got home from school I told him that he didn't get the job. He has heard this from me I don't know how many times. He looked at me and said "thats ok". But he didn't seem sad or frustrated. I also said they want him to go back in for an audition on Tuesday and asked what he thought. Without pausing he said Yes! I asked him why he would want to keep going back when he hasn't gotten one job yet. "Because maybe this is the time I will get it", he said.
I'm not sure whos kid he is, but it doesn't sound like I child I would have created. If it were me in his shoes, I would have stopped 2.5 years ago. I would cry at rejection and not try again. But not him. Do you know what rejection looks like? It looks like this.
Do you know what my picture of rejection looks like?
Here is what I've learned. Rejection isn't failure at all. Rejection is something you choose to learn from or not. "A Rejection is nothing more then a necessary step in the persuit of happiness" - Bo Bennett. And as a side note I realize the word failure isn't terrible either - I just still don't like it.
Harris seems to understand this lesson and has gotten it way before I have. I asked him why he doesn't get upset and why he continues to go to the auditions. He told me because he believes he is good and one of these days there will be the right part for him and he will be ready. Why does he believe that he is good? He said because Ms. Nickells (his coach) and we tell him he is. And here is the key - HE BELIEVES US!! Our voices are louder then the rejection voice.
Here is my lesson: What voices am I listening to? That when rejection comes I'm the second picture here and not the first? I am listening to the wrong voices. It hadn't really realized this until yesterday as I was sitting and contemplating some things that are going on in my life and this idea of being rejected hit me. I went into fetal mode. Then two hours later I picked up Harris and he showed me what rejection should really look like. I need to search out the good voices and figure out how to get rid of the bad ones.
Isn't it beautiful when your children teach you? Maybe you learned something from Harris too. No more Loser's Limp and no more bad voices.
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