Its 4:30 a.m.
And I can't sleep. I have so much on my mind and yet nothing at all. Weird. So the most reasonable thing a person would do at 4:30 is start a blog. Actually, I've had this site set up for 9 months now but haven't gotten the chance/courage/time/passion to actually start it.
Why start a blog?
For those who know me, know I have a somewhat strong personality - although am pretty laid back. I'm honest about life and raising 5 boys. I'm viewing this blog as an open diary...unlike the locked ones I used to keep hidden under my bed, because who benefits from a locked diary? Or a 9 year old? Good thing I'm so much older and wiser.
Who's actually going to read this?
Good question...probably no one.
I want to start out by saying that I am in no ways a "writer". Some people who have blogs have a gift of expressing themselves through words. I'm amazed at people who are like that, but lets be clear...that isn't me. Some other people start blogs because they have a gift to inspire people through their actions and examples....also isn't me. And there are those that are super talented in design and photography and art....again, not this girl. I'm just a mom who likes the idea of being creative living in an all male home trying to be real about life.
If for some reason you're still reading this, shall we dive in to solve "Shanny's world problems?"
Here is whats on my mind this morning....
*As I laid awake this morning I was thinking about work. The type of work I don't do - a job I don't have. Creativity is my go to. I enjoy it, it relaxes me and makes me feel like I accomplished something when most days I only accomplish dishes, like 10 times. I look up to people like Janel Payton who is an AMAZING photographer and now an editor of a photography magazine. I want to be like her someday. Or Trenna Travis, LOVE her. You need to follow her on Instagram and check out her website. She is incredibly talented in so many ways and so kind. My dream job would be to work with women like this. But then I got to thinking - I don't have a quarter of the talent that these women have. I tried to think of the things I was good at. Seriously, I thought hard - for a whole 5 minutes. But even 5 minutes I had a hard time thinking of things - or any one thing to be exact. Well, thats not true, I'm good at organizing. Boring. But what I could do is list a lot of things I needed to work on. Add to things I'm not good at - finding good/talent in me. (eye roll)
*I'm tired. I'm always, always tired. So that means I do the least amount of work possible to just get by. I used to be able to go all day long. Clean the house, make dinner, take the boys on outings, now I don't even want to tote the littlest along to the grocery store. Thank goodness for grocery delivery! This also means I'm not as good of a mom. #5 really threw me off, and still is. He was a surprise. I was done. DONE. 4 boys was enough, that was a lot and then came along the last one. His name is Finn. For finish, done - for real this time! I have a hard time wanting to play with him. I don't interact with him nearly as much as I should. Maybe if I didn't have to do 10 loads of dishes everyday I'd have time? Or do 2 loads of laundry a day? Or have to clean, cut the grass, run errands, etc. But I know I'm not the only one in the world that has these responibilities or this many kids. Trying to figure out how to balance. Still have no idea.
*I'm selfish. Who isn't though, right. Naturally, man is selfish, I get that, but I'm really selfish. I used to have time to serve more, help more, care more. (here I go being really vulnerable so don't judge too harshly). I do care, but sometimes not enough to take action. I'm so consumed with keeping my head above the water that that is my priority, not anyone else. Nothing about that is Christ-like. Another thing I need to work on.
*I could stand to lose 20 pounds.
*Questioning life and what my purpose is here. Am I serving the purpose that was set out for me? Am I helping my children find their purpose and passions? Because I'm a little head strong and don't like to do things "just because" I find my self pushing back on things. Not because I want to be disrespectful, or disobedient or rude, but because I like to do things with a purpose and not just because our culture does it or its tradition. So because I question and push, sometimes I feel unworthy of blessings. There is a whole lot more I could say but since we just met, I feel like we should get to know eachother a little more before I go on.
*This world is sad. No blog, or video, or athlete, or president's remarks will really make a change. We life in a great country. I truly believe that. My opinions are ones I have formed from my upbringing, my beliefs, my experiences....which are all completely different from anyone elses. Maybe they aren't right, maybe yours aren't either, but I'm not sure it matters exactly. I tell my kids when they are dealing with a difficult person, whether its a kid at school or a teacher, that you will deal with different personalities and beliefs and actions that you don't necessarily agree with, but you have to learn to deal with them. As adults, you have to learn to deal with them in the work force or as your neighbor (not your Megan and Jess. :) ), so they need to learn to figure it out now. It seems that as of lately, the adults of this country never got that message. It doesn't matter what I belive on political issues, but what does matter is how we treat each other and respect each other. I don't like to feel like I can't have a voice, but I also know I need to respect those that have a different voice. Lets forget all this nonsense and go to Puerto Rico and spend a week serving....whos with me?
*My thoughts are always with the Haun's #fightlikeahaun
*Today is #4's birthday. I made him a box cake. Rather, #3 made him a box cake. Total mom fail.
Thanks for listening. Any suggestions on how to fix or help my problem's, I welcome it. I learn best from others.
-Shanny
Why start a blog?
For those who know me, know I have a somewhat strong personality - although am pretty laid back. I'm honest about life and raising 5 boys. I'm viewing this blog as an open diary...unlike the locked ones I used to keep hidden under my bed, because who benefits from a locked diary? Or a 9 year old? Good thing I'm so much older and wiser.
Who's actually going to read this?
Good question...probably no one.
I want to start out by saying that I am in no ways a "writer". Some people who have blogs have a gift of expressing themselves through words. I'm amazed at people who are like that, but lets be clear...that isn't me. Some other people start blogs because they have a gift to inspire people through their actions and examples....also isn't me. And there are those that are super talented in design and photography and art....again, not this girl. I'm just a mom who likes the idea of being creative living in an all male home trying to be real about life.
If for some reason you're still reading this, shall we dive in to solve "Shanny's world problems?"
Here is whats on my mind this morning....
*As I laid awake this morning I was thinking about work. The type of work I don't do - a job I don't have. Creativity is my go to. I enjoy it, it relaxes me and makes me feel like I accomplished something when most days I only accomplish dishes, like 10 times. I look up to people like Janel Payton who is an AMAZING photographer and now an editor of a photography magazine. I want to be like her someday. Or Trenna Travis, LOVE her. You need to follow her on Instagram and check out her website. She is incredibly talented in so many ways and so kind. My dream job would be to work with women like this. But then I got to thinking - I don't have a quarter of the talent that these women have. I tried to think of the things I was good at. Seriously, I thought hard - for a whole 5 minutes. But even 5 minutes I had a hard time thinking of things - or any one thing to be exact. Well, thats not true, I'm good at organizing. Boring. But what I could do is list a lot of things I needed to work on. Add to things I'm not good at - finding good/talent in me. (eye roll)
*I'm tired. I'm always, always tired. So that means I do the least amount of work possible to just get by. I used to be able to go all day long. Clean the house, make dinner, take the boys on outings, now I don't even want to tote the littlest along to the grocery store. Thank goodness for grocery delivery! This also means I'm not as good of a mom. #5 really threw me off, and still is. He was a surprise. I was done. DONE. 4 boys was enough, that was a lot and then came along the last one. His name is Finn. For finish, done - for real this time! I have a hard time wanting to play with him. I don't interact with him nearly as much as I should. Maybe if I didn't have to do 10 loads of dishes everyday I'd have time? Or do 2 loads of laundry a day? Or have to clean, cut the grass, run errands, etc. But I know I'm not the only one in the world that has these responibilities or this many kids. Trying to figure out how to balance. Still have no idea.
*I'm selfish. Who isn't though, right. Naturally, man is selfish, I get that, but I'm really selfish. I used to have time to serve more, help more, care more. (here I go being really vulnerable so don't judge too harshly). I do care, but sometimes not enough to take action. I'm so consumed with keeping my head above the water that that is my priority, not anyone else. Nothing about that is Christ-like. Another thing I need to work on.
*I could stand to lose 20 pounds.
*Questioning life and what my purpose is here. Am I serving the purpose that was set out for me? Am I helping my children find their purpose and passions? Because I'm a little head strong and don't like to do things "just because" I find my self pushing back on things. Not because I want to be disrespectful, or disobedient or rude, but because I like to do things with a purpose and not just because our culture does it or its tradition. So because I question and push, sometimes I feel unworthy of blessings. There is a whole lot more I could say but since we just met, I feel like we should get to know eachother a little more before I go on.
*This world is sad. No blog, or video, or athlete, or president's remarks will really make a change. We life in a great country. I truly believe that. My opinions are ones I have formed from my upbringing, my beliefs, my experiences....which are all completely different from anyone elses. Maybe they aren't right, maybe yours aren't either, but I'm not sure it matters exactly. I tell my kids when they are dealing with a difficult person, whether its a kid at school or a teacher, that you will deal with different personalities and beliefs and actions that you don't necessarily agree with, but you have to learn to deal with them. As adults, you have to learn to deal with them in the work force or as your neighbor (not your Megan and Jess. :) ), so they need to learn to figure it out now. It seems that as of lately, the adults of this country never got that message. It doesn't matter what I belive on political issues, but what does matter is how we treat each other and respect each other. I don't like to feel like I can't have a voice, but I also know I need to respect those that have a different voice. Lets forget all this nonsense and go to Puerto Rico and spend a week serving....whos with me?
*My thoughts are always with the Haun's #fightlikeahaun
*Today is #4's birthday. I made him a box cake. Rather, #3 made him a box cake. Total mom fail.
Thanks for listening. Any suggestions on how to fix or help my problem's, I welcome it. I learn best from others.
-Shanny
Girl. Are you me? 'Cause this read like one of my own "never written because who has the time" blog posts. I don't have solutions for you because I AM you (except make it 50 pounds)... but for me at least, I find it heals my hurt just a tiny bit to know I'm not the only one struggling with selfishness/stubbornness/unfulfilled talent/exhaustion at the way adults are handling crises and political issues. You're not alone, mama.
ReplyDeleteAnd one more thing: you're doing so much better than you think you are. Maybe I am too. Time to beg for some grace, maybe... at least on my part. Love to you, Shannon.
Alright Shanny..I have a suggestion for your next entry. Tell me 5 positive things about yourself and the life you live cuz I could go on and on about the amazing person you are. You are one of the kindest, most caring, good-hearted persons I have ever met and I feel like my life is enriched just by knowing you. I strive to be the type of person you are and have the type of relationship you and Marc have. It's so wonderful to see such a loving relationship and family and can honestly say I'm blessed to have you living two doors down from me. You are funny and passionate. You are SO creative and know the answer to just about every question I ask you. You have raised 5 of the cutest, sweetest, kindest boys...kids that truly have a good soul and care about others. I could go on and on about the many wonderful aspects of you and your family but I will end with saying SHANNON ROBINSON YOU ARE AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteShan, I love that you're doing this. Way to dare greatly. I admire you for many reasons and one of them is that you're willing to be real. We all struggle, but rather than keeping our thoughts, insecurities, and worries silent out of fear of judgement from ourselves or others, power and community come from openness and vulnerability. Thank you for starting a dialogue. And, I'm always happy to hear what you're thinking about. You make me think more deeply about things. xo
ReplyDeleteCan I just say that I love you?!?!? I'm so excited that one of my favorite people is blogging now! You may not believe it, but you are inspiring and I look up to you!
ReplyDeleteAlso, thanks for the shout out ;)
I felt the same way as the other ladies when I read your blog. You are very creative and have a natural eye for design and color. I'll never forget your beautiful store in Webster Groves. Beautiful quilts, fabrics, so cozy and warm. I love your honesty. You say what so many of us are thinking, but the difference is, you have the courage to say it. I enjoy seeing glimpses of your world with the five men in your life who adore you. You are at the center. You are their heart. Keep writing. You have a lot to say that we can all relate to at one time or another. You are the real deal.
ReplyDelete